Forget
Disclaimer and Author’s Note: My first attempt. This story contains content which may be offensive. Do not read this if you shouldn’t be or if you think you may be offended. Preceding the main story is a poem with related themes. I should like to note that I was struck by Polley’s film Away From Her. In that vain, I would ask the reader to consider that forgetting can be quite cruel. Thanks for reading. Feedback is welcome. You can reach me at
MCFan@hotmail.com. Also, thanks to Michelle for the words of encouragement.
Memory
It is cold, my throat dry. I reach absent-mindedly for the glass by my side. I grasp for a while and turn to find it missing. I cannot help but wonder at its conspicuous absence. Was it not there only moments ago? I turn on the light to look at my clock. How time has passed!
I hear your voice, see your face, they haunt me. Your name touches my lips, but is gone before I can speak it. My life shapes around you. I long to worship at your feet once more. I long to relish your presence once more; I long to be yours. How I need you!
You draw me to you, and I cannot resist. Your eyes direct my gaze in their quiet fire. Your lips inviting as they part and reveal serenity with a hint of mischief, your knowing smile fills with wisdom and desire. How long has it been? I remember.
The days pass. I remember you and when first we met. I remember: when we stole away during the night. You enchant me, and I am forever yours. I remember: how much in need I am. I remember: spending my winter in despair for you. I remember: waking with a start, just as I do this night, and every other since you left. I remember.
It is spring now. It is all gone, in an instant. The days, the memories, you are all gone. I hear your voice, see your face, but they are gone. I am alone, without you. On your lips left the invitation, the promise of a perfect love. Your memory gnaws at me, eating away at my soul. I am so much in need. You send me to oblivion. You entrap me. You must show me the way out! I remember.
The flowers bloom, while this one wilts. Your song plays in my mind. Your voice stirs me. It asks for my surrender. I cannot refuse. You are my destruction. But I will never have you. I cannot. You are too good for me. I remember.
You destroy me. You lull me with your spell. I surrender to you. You make me want to forget. I lose my breath sharply. I want to cry, but I cannot. I want to return to my slumber, but cannot. I want to return to bliss, but I cannot. I remember.
You ask me if I am in need. I am so alone. You ask me, you show me the things I do not wish to see. You show me I am alone. You are no good for me. You speak to me and I stay silent. I sleep in your presence. I remember.
Your scent pours over me, a thick vapor. I am awash in you. So long as you live I am nothing before you. All is dark, I see only you. I cannot keep my head straight. I am a stranger to my own body, living another’s life. I have only you. You are bliss, and I am nothing. You are the first and perfect love. I remember.
I wake, and you are no longer by my side. I wake, and your body is no longer tight against me. I wake, my head no longer cradled in your loving arms. Your breath no longer light upon the air. So long ago…you were there. So long ago…I was yours.
How I wish I could remember! How I wish I could have you forever. Command me to sleep and I shall slip away. Command me to forget my way and I am lost. How cruel you are, and I love you so! How I wish I were at peace, when every night I am kept awake by loss of you. How I long to forget!
Forget
“You, my love, are perfect!”
Alan looked up from Kate’s embrace as she spoke. He gazed once more into her eyes, open and inviting. He, in reverie, in fantastical and unimaginable, now returns home. He speaks: “It is a shame that we must part.”
“I know, my love.”
“It is after all a wonder that we have even come together.”
“Almost absurd, my love.”
“It is a shame that we must part. Let me be with you forever!”
“This too must end, my love.”
“And you would leave me?”
Kate untangled herself from Alan. She nodded with a lump in her throat, unable to immediately respond.
“Love is a cruel mistress, isn’t it Kate?”
“I thought the saying involved fate?”
“They are both cruel.”
Kate said nothing.
“But at least I will always remember you!”
Kate smiled fully. Her face already flush from the night’s activities, she could glow no more radiant. Her eyes sparkled, and she felt an instant and intense joy. “You are too sweet to me. And at any rate, you do not mean it.”
“I mean it and a thousand times more! I will always remember you. Nothing could be worse than to forget you.”
“You are too sweet to me. But you do not mean it.”
“Let me prove it to you.”
“No.”
Alan laughed: “I am being childish aren’t I?”
“I imagine so.”
“It seems like forever ago when we met.”
“Only yesterday, my love.”
“Were we children, then?”
“Perhaps.”
“If only I had known how perfect you were for me, I would never have chosen as I did.”
“Oh?”
“It is a shame we must part.”
“I told you then, my love: We could not last forever.”
“True.”
“But you did not believe me?”
“…More like did not want to.”
They shared a mutual silence, and then Alan leaned towards her, pulling her towards his embrace. She kissed him softly, but held him from going further. She playfully swatted his chest and turned her head away.
“What’s wrong, Kate?”
“As you say, it is a shame we must part.”
“I should follow where you would go.”
“Say no more of that, my love.”
“It is so cruel, to forget.”
“You do not know.”
“So cruel, to lose everything.”
“I gave what I could.”
“As did I.”
“You are so distant, my love. Dwell not on it longer!”
Alan shifted a little to pull away from her. He folded his arms: “You are so cruel. With you, I am safe. Without you…”
“I know, my love.”
“Allow me to remember!”
Kate laughed: “You would not ask this of me, if you knew how cruel it was, to remember.”
“How cruel is it, to forget?”
“It is the worst.”
“Then allow me to remember!”
“No. You do not know, how cruel it is to remember! You do not understand…”
“When first we met, I remember.”
“What?”
“I remember…your hair, soft against the wind. I remember…your laughter in the air. You were so cruel to me. You were so cruel to tease me so.”
“I know, my love.”
“I remember wanting you. Craving you.”
“I know, my love.”
“I remember passing you by. Not a moment past, you took me then.”
“It was more than a moment.”
“I remember, you offered me your charms. I surrendered. You offered me change, for everything. I obeyed.”
“I remember, too, my love.”
“How?”
“It was not that long ago.”
“Forever!”
“Only yesterday.”
“Forever, without you.”
“You do not know.”
“Forever, without your touch, your finger upon my cheek. Forever, without your arms around me.”
“Forever, without my body, my love?”
“More!”
“You do not know how perfect you are!”
“I know!”
“No.”
“What?”
“Do you remember, why we cannot be?”
“It was only yesterday! You had to leave and I could not bear to be without you.”
“Forget it!”
“You promised me.”
“You do not know how good you are to me. You do not know how much it pains me that we must be apart.”
“You promised me everything.”
“You do not know.”
“I cannot bear to be without you.”
“I know.”
“You took me and made me yours. I could not go on.”
“You do not know.”
“You are so cruel, to make me forget.”
“I know, my love.”
“But it is really for the best?”
“You had the choice.”
“You opened your heart to me.”
“I know, my love.”
“As we lay together I could not but think of you.”
“Do not be silly.”
“I could not think of any other.”
“I know, my love.”
“You took me and transformed me.”
“I know, my love.”
“I could not think…”
“I know, my love.”
“It is a shame we must part.”
“You had the choice.”
“To go about my merry way? Or to surrender? Let you take me. Ravish me. To obey your every command. Was I not yours? You gave me everything. And now you take it away.”
“Did I?”
“Yes and a thousand times yes.”
“Then why worry, my love? Did you not get what you wanted? Did you not get what I promised?”
“You’ve ruined me, Kate.”
“I know.”
“How can there be any other after you?”
“You will live.”
“I cannot.”
“You must.”
“Allow me once more to surrender.”
“I cannot. It is a shame we must part.”
“How can you be so perfect, if we were not meant to be?”
Kate was silent for a moment: “I do not know.”
“You made me yours. With you, I did what I could not otherwise. I did those things for you.”
“I know, my love.”
“At your beck and call.”
“You were so sweet to me.”
“I knew nothing but content. You tear me in two.”
“Which is why you must be whole.”
“So you would spare me the pain of your departure.”
“No.”
“Then do not let me forget.”
“No.”
“It is exquisite. Heart-wrenching, knowing that I will forget. It pains me even now, and it has not yet happened.”
“There are many things we must forget.”
“I remember, becoming yours.”
“No!”
“Though it was only yesterday.”
“Forever!”
“It seems like so long ago…”
“Do not be so sad, my love.”
“What reason would I be?”
“Take me in your embrace, once more, my love.”
Alan leaned in and kissed her, held her tight against him. She traced her finger delicately over his body and closed her eyes. He whispered in her ear: “How I love you Kate!”
“I know, my love. But let us dwell no further. Tomorrow I must go home. And so must you.”
Alan squeezed Kate’s hand gently as he ran his hands up and down her body and pushed into her. His muscular hands roamed her lengthy legs, soft and smooth, and he kissed her inviting nape. He pushed her thick hair away from her face as they kissed.
Kate drew a sharp breath while Alan teased her body. She unconsciously tried to stretch her legs all the way out every now and again as Alan passed over her rising and falling chest. She was panting now, and he circled over her midsection. She opened her eyes in a moment that stretched on forever and gasped once again. She cried out. And as soon as that moment had come, it passed. “You are so good to me, Alan.”
Alan said nothing, but delicately exited her.
“Alan, you know I cannot have you following me around like a pet.”
“I know.”
“It pains me so, to make you forget.”
“I want to remember.”
“And you would dwell forever on me. You must live your own life.”
“I wish I could.”
“Do you remember, when we first met? It was only yesterday.”
Alan struggled for a moment. He shook his head.
“Do you remember, how perfect you are for me?”
“You are so cruel to me, Kate! Why do you make me forget?”
“Do you remember, my love, why we can never be?”
Alan again shook his head.
“I know you are making me forget, Kate. It was only yesterday, and still I cannot remember.”
“I know, my love.”
“I long to see your face everyday. To cherish your eyes, your lips, your hair, your nose. I long to have you.”
“I know, my love.”
“Then why…”
“You must live your own life.”
“I know…I want…to be yours forever. With you I have purpose. With you…”
“No.”
“I want…you to direct me. Without you I was lost. Without you I was nothing.”
“No.”
“Because you’re leaving, I am lost.”
“Then you know why I must be so cruel.”
“No, I don’t.”
“You would be haunted every day by my memory, dying each day slowly in pain for loss of me. I would not have that for you. You are too good to me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know, my love.”
“I remember…how good you were to me.”
“For now, my love.”
“I remember…”
“Do you remember?”
“I remember how good you are for me. I remember…”
“But now, my love, you must forget.”
He obeyed.