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Author Topic: Hot Flashes!  (Read 294281 times)
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Chase the Wind
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« Reply #450 on: January 25, 2005, 04:11:42 PM »

It's a tough call, really. Well, not really. Since I don't speak French, spelling it properly actually takes work. And I'm rather lazy, really.  Wink
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« Reply #451 on: January 25, 2005, 04:21:00 PM »

I smell derailment here (derailMEANT, not MONT... it's an English word), so will simply say to ElSol that my story was 1300 words, and I did feel bad about putting it here, as it did not really belong in this "flash" thread.  But it was something I just had to write, and though I seriously thought about creating a new thread just for it, there had been so much discussion about the original flash story that prompted it that I thought it would be ok to put it here.

But as I still think it was wrong to do in a couple of respects, I will definitely recuse myself from any statements saying that it is ok or not ok for you to post your sequel in "Hot Flashes", and tell you it is up to the other regular contributors and readers here (you know who you are).

Ms Myrrh -  I was glad to see that I actually got your story exactly as you intended, as I didn't really have a problem with the Feds showing up at all, recognized the signal, and did seem to catch the tongue-drugging... mmmm...

However, if it was on her tongue, why didn't it affect her?  (I know, I know... she had taken the antidote or sealed her tongue skin in some manner... straight out of Claire Baxter)  Plus, you didn't answer my unasked question, though you may have on a different thread... Have you ever "run with the pack"?

Chase -  Breaking limits is one of the major aspects of what bondage sex is all about.  What can I say?    Wink

          Jo
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« Reply #452 on: January 25, 2005, 04:27:15 PM »

I've never run with the pack, nope.  I'm a good girl!  Who thinks naughty thoughts.

Maybe the girl passes out, too, that's why the signal is a simple finger snap?  Who knows?  In "Alias" it would have been as you described: super-secret anti-drug tongue-coating innoculant.

-M
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« Reply #453 on: January 25, 2005, 04:41:09 PM »

Oooo... an ADTCI... how very high-tech... I love it.  Now I'm wondering if constant, hard kissing would wear such a "protectant" off?  Perhaps experimentation is in order here.

        Jo   8)
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« Reply #454 on: January 25, 2005, 05:00:37 PM »

*hands the Hello Kitty girl to Jo, plus an aplicator and the ADTCI*

*sets her timer*

Annnd... GO!
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« Reply #455 on: January 25, 2005, 06:17:08 PM »

Wow ... I'll say it again:  this might be the best thread ever, in any incarnation of the Forum.

XRay, you've shown some very impressive versatility in the different flashes you've posted.  Hard MC with romance one minute, exploitation and head games the next, and both very well executed.  I'm looking forward to seeing a full-length story from you on the archive.

WZB, I loved He Said/She Said.  Started out laughing a little because the situation was so real (I'm sure it's been played out that way in thousands of places with thousands of couples), then had to stop and sigh at the end for the same reason. 

Jo, you and I have talked already about how much I loved your earlier flashes.  You have a gift for grabbing the reader's emotions and taking them for a ride.  The latest one takes a different approach, straight for the adrenals, and is every bit as powerful.  I disagree with Michelle's characterization of the story as dark, though.  Yes, the perspective character is being exploited, but how do we know this isn't just a vignette in a dom/sub relationship?  Maybe the caller is Mistress, away on a business trip, giving her slave a little thrill.  Or maybe I'm just thinking that because of the power of Jo's previous flashes.  Hard to say.

Speaking of emotional impact, El Sol shows a mastery of the gut reaction in his latest as well.  What I really loved about "How To Tell Her" was the way he manages to convey so much information with a few references.  He paints an entire world where mind controllers exist as just another unusual genetic condition, which is diagnosed and controlled for the common good, without ever coming out and saying this is so.  Anyone who wonders what "Show, don't tell" means can use this story as a prime example of how well the technique works.

Lippy, your flashes intrigue me.  They feel a little choppy to me, as if you're not entirely comfortable with the micro format.  The longer piece you posted in the 'Girls on Girls' thread confirms that in that it's much smoother and more polished.  All three pieces show that you have a flair for capturing the inner voices of your characters, which is always a good thing.

Let's see, did I leave anyone out?  Ms Myrrh!  Yours reminded me of an episode of Firefly ("Our Mrs. Reynolds" for the knowledgeable), which brought a smile all by itself.   Smiley

Well done, everyone.

-wg
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« Reply #456 on: January 25, 2005, 07:15:11 PM »

Taking the top, applicator, and sealant from Ms. Myrrh, and feeling a bit aroused by the whole goofy bit of business, I put them on the chair next to me and begin to strip.  I slowly unbutton my blouse, letting her watch, glad to see her eyes widen a bit as she realizes I am braless.

I never stop, but I never rush, either, showing her more and more of my breasts, letting the blouse fall open as it may as I unbutton both front and sleeves.  I slowly shrug my way out of it, putting both arms back and thrusting my chest towards her.  It's not as easy as I thought, so I have to bounce and jiggle a bit to get the blouse to come off my shoulders, to slide down my arms and off onto the floor.

I'll worry about picking it up later, not wanting my eyes to ever leave hers.

That's impossible, though, as I slide her Hello Kitty top on, as it drops over my face and down to cover me.  The material is still warm from her body, and as it gently squeezes mine, I can't help but sigh in pleasure.

I'm glad she's still watching, a small smile on Ms. Myrrh's face as I pick up the applicator brush and the ADTCI.  I open the jar and dip the brush inside, coating it fully before setting the container back on the chair.  I open my mouth wide, extend my tongue toward her, feeling another warm tingle as I watch her watching me.

I begin to paint my wet tongue with the brush, doing it as salaciously as I can, moaning -- half for effect, and half because this whole thing feels so slutty, so hot to me.

But as I continue to slide the coated brush all over my long tongue, I find myself starting to feel "funny"-- my vision starting to blur a bit, my legs feeling weak and rubbery.  I can still see Ms. Myrrh, but she seems to be glowing now, as if surrounded by a white light.  I see her step closer to me.

"Are you all right, dear?"  Her voice sounds thick and sweet, as if she is pouring molasses in my ears.

"I... I... what?"

"Oh, no.  I thought that was the jar of ADTCI, Jo.  But perhaps I grabbed the jar of BNHEC, instead."

"B... N... wha...?"

"The Brain-Numbing Hypnotic Enslavement Cream, Jo."

I notice that her smile is very wide now as my legs give out completely, and I helplessly drop to my knees.

        Jo    Tongue


P.S. - Is that at least close to stroke, Chase?

« Last Edit: January 25, 2005, 07:18:52 PM by flibinite » Logged

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« Reply #457 on: January 25, 2005, 07:27:46 PM »

WG - Thanks for your nice comments about my flashes... um, my flash stories.  I really appreciate the fact you took time to read them, and comment on them so highly.  It means a lot.   Smiley

Ms Myrrh -  I didn't want to derail the thread any worse with too much frivolity, but I simply couldn't resist the above (and it all fits on my screen, at least).  I hope you enjoyed reading.

I know I enjoyed writing...   Cheesy

        Jo
 
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« Reply #458 on: January 25, 2005, 07:29:11 PM »

With thanks to faery and turing for putting up with me.

"The Cheerleader"

"Look, I'm a pro-fesh-ion-al, man.  I don't know what you were thinking here -"

"We weren't looking for a stripper or anything, Ms, um, Parker.  We just wanted a cheerleader to do a cheer for us."

Barb Parker eyed the guy in the lab coat suspiciously, then let her eye travel to the group behind him.  More lab coats and a few scantily-clad women.

"What is this?  A costume party?"

"No.  Well, I mean, we're just a group of people that share the same interest.  Won't you come in?"

She stepped in through the open door, past Lab Coat Number One, pompoms held loosely in her left hand.  She felt a stabbing pain in her right arm and turned to see another lab coat, this one female, with a needle.

"What the fu-"

---

Cheerleader Barbie stood before her audience, grinning so brightly that the lab coats had to squint.  She stepped into an imitation of an "M."

"Gimme an M!
"Gimme an I!
"Gimme an N!
"Gimme a D!
"What's that spell?"

"Mind!" shouted the crowd.

"Gimme a C!
"Gimme an O!
"Gimme an N!
"Gimme a T!
"Gimme an R!
"Gimme an O!
"Gimme an L!
"What's that spell?"

"Control!" they roared back at her.

"Put 'em together and what d'ya get?"

"Mind Control!"

Barbie jumped and grooved as she yelled the next part, bumping and grinding and waving those pom-poms like she just don't care.

"If you've got that hypo handy,
"Stick her up and get her randy!
"If you've got that hypo ready,
"Stick her up and get some heady!
"If you've got that hypo here,
"Stick me up, then fill my rear!"

The crowd went wild and Harry, who wrote the cheer, was getting a few claps on the back.

"Wheee!" shouted Barbie as she did the splits.  The crowd of lab coats came rushing at her, hypos waving over heads.
« Last Edit: January 25, 2005, 07:47:47 PM by Ms Myrrh » Logged

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« Reply #459 on: January 25, 2005, 07:35:20 PM »

LOL... Great stuff, MM.  You have quite the creative mind.  Can never tell what you're going to write, from Jane Bond to School Spirit Barbie.  I especially liked the cheers, along with the last image of the "coats" running up waving they hypo's.   Smiley

The only thing I would change is to either add a line break or some asterisks right after she gets "shot" and says "What the fu--?", in order to show the small time break there (and it might be small enough to ignore).

I thought it was great, though.  (Hands you a whole bunch of... of... Raisinettes)...  

        Jo
« Last Edit: January 25, 2005, 07:39:24 PM by flibinite » Logged

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« Reply #460 on: January 25, 2005, 07:43:25 PM »

*munches on the raisinettes*

That'll help me write the next installment of "flibinite does Ms Myrrh."   Wink

-M

Edit: I put in the time-break thingy as you recommended.
« Last Edit: January 25, 2005, 07:48:56 PM by Ms Myrrh » Logged

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« Reply #461 on: January 25, 2005, 07:49:06 PM »

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P.S. - Is that at least close to stroke, Chase?

LOL. Yeah, it's close.  Wink


Naa, good stuff, Jo. You get hot very fast and didn't stop the entire time. I also liked the creativity of the mind control method. Don't think I've ever seen that before!

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« Reply #462 on: January 25, 2005, 08:06:49 PM »

I smirk down at Jo and put the cap back on the BNHEC, careful not to get any on myself.

"Jo, can you hear me?"

"Yesh."

I lean down a little to fondle her breasts through the Hello Kitty shirt.  Weighing them in my hands is a pleasure I've only dreamed of.  Then I tweak her nipples.

"Eeek," she manages to turn it into a moan.  Her head drops back and her eyes close.

"It's so nice to have you on your knees before me," I say as I watch her lick her lips.

"Yesh."  The way she says it makes my mouth and pussy wet.  I lift up my black leather skirt up high enough for her to see my delta of soft black fur and the straps of my garter belt.

"Wanna taste it with that coated tongue of yours?" I ask.

"Yesh," she mumbles as she leans forward, her eyes lidded (yes, I do read your posts).  Her mouth opens in anticipation and I shiver, knowing how her tongue will feel once it makes contact - electric, like nothing she's ever felt before.  Like nothing I've ever felt, either.  And to her I'll taste like a goddess.

She cries out the moment I feel her tongue on my clit and I smile.  The first orgasm's the biggest.  Not necessarily the best, though.  That'll come a little later.

----

Jo: Had to take it a little farther, just for the heat, you understand.  Kiss

-M

Edited for typos.
« Last Edit: January 25, 2005, 08:31:24 PM by Ms Myrrh » Logged

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« Reply #463 on: January 25, 2005, 09:24:18 PM »

"Yesh..." I whisper as soon as my insides turn right side up again.  "I underthand..."

My mind groans, wishing my tongue were working for speech, too, so I could enunciate what I am feeling, speak to what I am needing.  But luckily, the words of many a great MC writer suddenly fill my mind, telling me what I need to do.

"Show, don't tell... show, don't tell...show, don't tell..."

And with that, I lean forward to show Ms. Myrrh what my long, wet tongue is still capable of.

*********

Thank you for your repost, MM, and for your comments, Chase.  As much as I would love to carry this forward (you have no idea), I'm not sure it's fair to the thread, so I've cut it short.  Needless to say...

        Jo   Cheesy
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« Reply #464 on: January 25, 2005, 09:58:20 PM »

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and for your comments, Chase.

Damn. That's all I get.  5 words and a comma. What's this world coming to...  Roll Eyes
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« Reply #465 on: January 25, 2005, 10:02:56 PM »

There is always the outburst thread if you want to continue...

But as for my contribution:

Punchline
A really short tale by William Pratt

When he stopped laughing at my under developed body and went down on me I thought 'Just once. Just once I'd like to meet a guy who loves me for my body and not my mind.'
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« Reply #466 on: January 25, 2005, 10:03:23 PM »

That too. I pride myself on not speaking french. Just ask several of my Canadian readers who castigated me over the french accent/speech in one of my stories.  Cheesy
Hint: Claim that it was Parisian French to the Canadians and Quebec French to the Continental French
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« Reply #467 on: January 25, 2005, 10:21:54 PM »

But Chase, the comma means so much, really.  It means clutching and hugging.  It means sliding down to my knees and fumbling with a zipper.  It means working inside and seeing just how much I can... well... you get the idea.

Please don't belittle my commas, Chase.   Sad

        Jo


P.S. -  I think I'm starting to get out of hand and out of line here, so I promise to "cool it".  Sorry... its just too much fun for me to ignore, sometimes.
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« Reply #468 on: January 25, 2005, 10:31:35 PM »

Bill -  LOL, and a cute, fun, very "expandable" story...

When he stopped laughing at my under developed body and went down on me I thought 'Just once. Just once I'd like to meet a guy who loves me for my body and not my mind.'

But this IS a writing thread, so...

1) hyphen between "under" and "developed"...
2) comma after "me"
3) comma after "thought"
4) maybe an ellipsis or hyphens after the first "once", with a small "j" on the second "just"
5) use full quotes and/or italics around or for "Just once. Just once I'd like to meet a guy who loves me for my body and not my mind."

But other than that, Bill, it was funny and perfect.   Smiley

         Jo
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« Reply #469 on: January 26, 2005, 12:18:03 AM »

Feedback and it was liked! O frabjuous day!

Grammar, as you can see, is not one of my stronger points unless I agonize over it. All the same, as you said this is a writing thread so I should have agonized over it at least for a few seconds.
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« Reply #470 on: January 26, 2005, 02:23:15 AM »

Or a faux pas, even.

I say it (and spell it) Fox Paws because, well, Fox Paws are cute. To me a foe paw would be the daddy of my sworn enemy - not nearly as cute as little baby fox paws!
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« Reply #471 on: January 26, 2005, 03:50:21 AM »

Explanation Part 1: Dvthea bumped Feryk's one sentence story event and I didn't notice the date of the original post but a story formed before I did.

Explanation Part 2: I dislike flash enough to manipulate them into a series... which feels less flashy Wink

It is less than a 1000 words... definitely qualifies as flash Smiley

---
Why not to tell her!
by ElSol

"My breasts are probably bigger than hers."
   
"No!" I said.
   
"I promise this is the last time," Susan whined.
   
"It was the last time with Michelle, Elizabeth, and a dozen other girls! I shouldn’t have told you about the Institute test!"

"I can't believe I was wrong all those times," she pouted. "It's so unfair!"
   
"Look at who you keep comparing yourself to," I said. "Which one is it this time?"
   
"Her," Susan said pointing.
   
"Jennifer Wright! Those breasts are legend!" I exclaimed.
   
"It could be a padded bra," Susan insisted.
   
"You have gym with her," I said. "I know you’ve peeked."
   
"Yeah," Susan capitulated. "But I would have to touch them to make sure they're real!"
   
"Sixteen year old girls don't have fake boobs," I protested.
   
"Shows what you know!" Susan said with all the superiority that a sixteen-year old female claims over a male her age.
   
"I'll let you touch them," Susan offered.
   
"Suse! I'm the Symbolic," I said exasperated. "I'm the reason that Jennifer is going to let us compare.”
   
"I meant mine," she whispered.
   
I stopped in the hallway and got bumped by someone behind me.
   
"Watch it, asshole!" the guy growled.
   
"Dave!" his friend said pulling at his arm. "That's the POS."
   
I had become very familiar with those words.
   
"Dude!" Dave said apologetically and brushing off where he bumped me. "I'm so sorry."
   
"It's okay," I replied.
   
"Are you sure?" he asked worried.
   
"Yeah, I'm fine," I said with a fake smile.
   
"This sucks!" I said when he walked away.
   
"A jock apologizes to you, and it sucks?" Susan asked.
   
"They know about the test," I said.
   
"Everybody knows about the test, Mig," Susan said. “One in five hundred thousand, dumbass!”
   
I stopped in front of my locker and input the combination.
   
"It sucks the way they look at me," I complained.
   
"You're too sensitive," she replied leaning against the locker next to mine.
   
"A few weeks ago, I was nobody,” I said bitterly. “Now, every guy wants to be my friend, and every girl looks at me like I'm the god-jock of the state. If I find out who let my results out, I'm going to kill them!"
   
"The Institute probably makes sure people find out," Susan said thoughtfully.
   
"Why would they do that?" I asked in shock.
   
"You're bound to do stuff," Susan said shrugging. "They have to prepare people for it."
   
"I wouldn't have done anything if someone didn’t ask me to," I said eyeing her.
   
She waved my words away dismissively and closed my locker door.
   
"You're EMC-POS," she said. "You're expected to do wickedly naughty things."
   
"Did you get into your mom's romance novels again?" I asked looking at her.
   
"The Institute gave me some reading material, asshole!"  she said over her shoulder.
   
"Why did they do that?" I asked grabbing her arm and turning her around.
   
"They judged me to be your most likely experimental subject, so they told me what to expect," she said.
   
"I would never do anything to you!" I spat.
   
"Why not?" she asked pissed off. "I'm a girl! It's because of my breasts, isn't it? You like them as big as Jennifer's!"
   
Since I had never won an argument with Susan, I turned away and ended up face-to-face with Jennifer.
   
"You like my breasts?" she asked.
   
"Not me, her!" I denied pointing at Susan.
   
"You don't like my breasts!" Jennifer said disappointed.
   
"Hi, Jen!" Susan said smiling brightly. "I was just trying to talk Miguel into playing with your Symbols."
   
"Are you crazy?" I yelled.
   
"Cool!" Jennifer said staring at me.
   
"Fuck!" I breathed. "You’re all crazy!"
   
"Do you even know how to read, Mig?" Susan asked. "It's in the manuals that the Institute gave you."

I had read one of them, but righteously decided not to inform Susan of that.

The manual explained why a certain Symbol had come into focus when I looked at Jennifer and Susan. I turned away from them and walked into my next class.
   
"Are you going to do anything with my breasts?" Jennifer asked from the doorway.
   
Everyone in the room looked up with interest.
   
"No!" I bit out.
   
"Do you need time, Miguel?" Miss Johnson asked.
   
"No!" I repeated.
   
"The EMC Amendment requires accommodation for Positives," she reminded me. "If you need time with Jennifer and Susan, the class can wait. The propagation of the human race is more important after all."
   
"Are the Sex Symbols really broken, Mig?" Susan asked suddenly.
   
"Not yours," I answered without thinking.
   
"Why not Susan's?" Jennifer asked from behind her.
   
The manual explained it.
   
"Every Symbolic subconsciously fixes the Sex Symbol of his..." I looked at Susan before continuing. "His Susan! You see, I can too read!"
   
"So that's why I wanted to look at those girls' tits!" Susan said laughing.
   
Jennifer and Susan's Symbols floated into my vision again. I saw them as Kanji characters; Susan's was complete and glowed slightly, while Jennifer's was missing a connecting slash.
   
I couldn't help it!
   
I reached out and put a pair of fingers on Susan's.
   
"Ohhh!!!" she gasped getting up on her toes. Those perfect breasts pushed towards me with their cherry drop nipples pressing against her shirt.
   
I reached out with my other hand and drew the slash to complete Jennifer. Her knees buckled, and an addicting feminine sound of pleasure escaped her lips.
   
I pressed against their symbols. Susan collapsed onto Jennifer as they experienced something only an EMC-POS could make possible anymore.
   
Orgasm.
   
I let their symbols go and turned around.
   
"Oh shit!" I whispered.
   
The hand gesture was unnecessary; I had completed every Sex Symbol in the room. Unlike Susan, the effect was only temporary, but the manual had been clear about what would happen in that time.
   
"Hey!" Susan said around Jennifer's lips. "My breasts are bigger than that girl’s... and that one too!"
               
The End


----

Stay tuned for the final two installments of 'The Institute Flash Stories"

ElSol
 
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« Reply #472 on: January 26, 2005, 09:26:07 AM »

Damned cool series, ElSol - I look forward to the final two installments!! Smiley Smiley

sulwyn
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« Reply #473 on: January 26, 2005, 11:02:49 AM »

I agree, ElSol... another fine story with a great and interesting premise, well-written and a fun read.  And once again the implications and extrapolations one can have from this story far outweigh the actual story itself.

For example, if only an EMC-Pos can create the ability for 499,999 others to orgasm, to procreate, then each and every one of them would have to be watched over, to have special security, as I can easily see a storyline where Miguel (or if I wrote it, Michelle), would be kidnapped by some sex-starved, reclusive, rich, ex-Mistress for her own personal pleasure.

Could be quite the story.  As your was, ElSol... nice!

         Jo
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« Reply #474 on: January 26, 2005, 11:25:49 AM »

I think you say a lot with 1000 words (or less in this case!) Elsol. I also very much like the premise of your story, as well as the concept of the Symbols. (I love fantasy/sci-fi as it is, and it speaks to those genres.) Heck, just the use of the word "Symbol" smacks of the mysterious and gives the reader the desire to pursue the story to find out how they work.


I'm not sure if you were going for some artistic or rule-breaking bent, but the constant use of illustrative tags distracted the heck outta me.

Susan whined.
she pouted.
I exclaimed.
Susan insisted.
Susan capitulated.
I protested.

Etc.

Quote
"No!" I bit out.
   
"Do you need time, Miguel?" Miss Johnson asked.
   
"No!" I repeated.

That's an example of redundancy.  By saying "No!" twice, we already read the character repeating it, but then you add "repeated."

Additionally, the way the dialogue flowed it.. well, didn't. It was like a ping-pong, back and forth and made it hard to follow the story as I was distracted by the head-bobbing, eye-stretching motion of it. I had to force myself to continue to read it, instead of skimming it out of irritation.

Perhaps combining more of the dialogue into paragraghs would work a bit better. Of course, I note in your posting that you use extremely short paragraphs most of the time anyway. I'm not sure if this is a writing habit of yours or a stylistic method you're going for...

Chase

Edited: Fixed bad typo and yanked a sentence I didn't mean to have in there.
« Last Edit: January 26, 2005, 12:02:45 PM by Chase the Wind » Logged

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