Would a story like this be allowed on MC Stories?

[SleepySleepy]

I was thinking of actually writing something to submit to the archive (If I can find the time to do it...) but I don't know if my idea would actually be accepted. See, the thing I have in mind is actually very low on sex (in fact, it may have only one sex scene, at the very end. Though there may be sexual-contact-but-not-quite-sex scenes like bathing scenes) and doesn't have any direct mind control. Everything in my idea will be done subliminally - such as mind altering agents in food, in music, etc, and from beginning to end, I don't expect the protagonist will even realize she's been MC'd. What I want to write is something that is more character and emotion driven, with existent, but very subtle sex and mind control situations.

Would something like that be accepted?

[G-man001]

It's Simon's call.  But I would say absolutely! Some of my favorite stories here have low levels of sex and use mind altering agents in food and drink!  So post away Sleepy!

[Iglass]

If you think the story doesn't fit especially well, a disclaimer would avoid misleading the audience.  I second G-man's vote though: go ahead! 

[lexington_125]

Hah, so, I see Sleepy is attempting to play my two secret forum agendas off of each other!  (Hidden agenda 1: increase MC content in stories.  Hidden agenda 2: get Sleepy to write stories for the archive.)  Oh, the inner conflict...

I'd say the others here are right that it's Simon's call, and without knowing exactly how the story plays out, it's almost impossible to tell what the "right" decision should be.  Something you seem to do well in your forum writing is to imply some pretty intense MC without showing it explicitly.  But how strong the implication is, and how intense the implied MC is, probably depends on some very subtle stuff that wouldn't come through in a description.  (OTOH, FSM knows that some very MC-lite stuff has made it onto the archive before, so it may not even matter.)

Personally, I don't mind the absence of swinging watches or even a character's awareness of MC as long as we get a strong idea of what is going on in an MCed character's mind.  In fact, I think that the mental gymnastics that a character undertakes to avoid realizing that anything strange is happening are often the hottest part of a story.

Anyway, for heaven's sake don't let anything we say here stop you from submitting it.  Even in the unlikely event that Simon stonewalls you, I'm sure people around here will get a kick out of it.  Or you could shop it around here first and get a feel of how people react to it before you send in a final version?...

[SleepySleepy]

Argh, I'm trying to write this but... I dunno, I just don't feel it's coming together properly...
I can't describe things well enough, it's too dialog heavy... Argh I don't know what to do >_<

[fembotheather]

I say go for it, there are actually quite a few stories on the archive that have no sex in them at all. It is Simon's call, of course, but his focus seems to be on making sure of a strong level of MC content.

FBH

[Amaranth]

Simon seems to be quite forgiving and broad minded.
He puts my drivel up and I'm only half literate.
You should be fine.
Blunt or subtle mind control is mind control, just pick your flavor and write about it.
As for those who may not like it, so what, it's a free website.

I heard a joke a while back that matches this almost exactly.
I'm not biased but the pun plays off stereotypes so apologies in advance if I hurt anyone's feelings.

Jewish man living at home who unlike his siblings hates his mother is driving her to the doctor when the are hit by a bus and die.
They both wake back up at home

She finds the cupboards stocked with everything they could possibly need.
He finds no way to leave or get out of the house because all of the outer doors and windows are barred.

She is in heaven.
He is in hell.

Bigoted but illustrates my point.
We don't all have the same tastes.
We can all look at the same things and see something completely different.

Don't be afraid of beta readers and format helpers.

Good luck.

[lexington_125]

I can't describe things well enough, it's too dialog heavy...

You mean you're worried that you're showing too much and not telling enough?  Boy, if other writers had your problems...

Seriously, if characters are speaking a lot to explain things, or just because they don't have anything else to do, then you might be right to be concerned.  But dialogue that propels the story forward is exactly what you want to have a lot of.

Either way, if each line of dialogue does what you want it to do, you should be in good shape.  Readers will fill in their own idea of an environment if the actions (speech or whatever) that happen within it are compelling enough.

[SleepySleepy]

The problem is there's so much talking, and I can't figure out how to describe actions and setting better than I am... It just feels really awkward... I feel like I need to just throw out what I've written so far (about 2,800 words) and start over...

[Lycanthrope]

Does it really need describing?

I'm over 50000 words into the story I've been posting and there's not really a lot of description of locations or even characters in it. Lots of dialog, though. I know in detail what the locations look like and what the characters look like, but I'm leaving most of that out because I'm letting the reader construct their own fantasy of the "girl next door" type, the short blond exhibitionist, the tall dark Caribbean beauty, etc.

If you can write a lot of good dialog, that's a GREAT thing! Which one of these works better?

=====
Diane woke up feeling grumpy. Actually, it was more than just grumpy, she was downright pissed off.

Her husband Bill bore the brunt of her lousy mood.
=====

...compared to...

=====
"Good morning, babe," said Bill, looking up from his oatmeal.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Bill was stunned. "I'm sorry. I didn't think..."

"That's right, you didn't think. You never think. Just shut up and leave me alone for once, will you?"
=====

The dialog works better because it lets the reader figure out for themselves that someone pushed Diane's "Bitch Button" that morning. Everyone has been in a situation where they were yelled at for no reason that they could figure out. Doing that with dialog brings the memories of that situation and the feelings they had in that situation right back for the reader. They empathize with Bill. They feel the same way toward Diane that they did toward the person who yelled at them for no reason. The reader is now emotionally invested in the story and they're relating it to their lives. That's a good thing.

I do this kind of thing all day long in my hypnotism practice. I can tell clients about the right things for them to do, and that is somewhat effective. I can also create little stories and metaphors where the client figures things out on their own and the "magic answers" seem to come up as their own ideas. That is much, much more effective. The "show" is much more effective than the "tell" and the "show and let them relate it to their own experiences" is even more effective.

Dialog is a good way to do that.


Lyc

[G-man001]

Wonderful post, Lyc!

[SleepySleepy]

I sent lexington my first and second draft's of the first part of the story (which is nowhere near complete, in fact, at slightly less than 3000 words, I could say that it's barely started. I do intend it to be pretty long after all) since he seems to be such a big fan of mine. I'll see what he has to say about them.
I pretty much rewrote 3/4 of it for the second draft, which is much more to-the-point and the old one is more unnecessarily wordy (at least I think so).

[lexington_125]

Right on, Lyc, very well said.

Now I just have to hope that my reply to Sleepy will make that much sense!

[SleepySleepy]

Quick question. What is the proper way to change scenes in a story? I seem to remember seeing some writers use some kind of border to break things up, but I can't remember exactly what it was...

[Born Blitzed]

Quick question. What is the proper way to change scenes in a story? I seem to remember seeing some writers use some kind of border to break things up, but I can't remember exactly what it was...

Blank line, asterisk, 3 spaces, asterisk, 3 spaces, asterisk, blank line.

Code:

...last sentence of the old chapter.

*   *   *

First sentence of the new chapter...

If you're coding the page break yourself, those asterisks should be centered; if you're submitting the story to Simon, however, leave them left-justified and trust him to take care of it. (In fact, I usually submit it as three pluses instead — +   +   + — to make doing a global search and replace a bit easier.)

[SleepySleepy]

Quick question. What is the proper way to change scenes in a story? I seem to remember seeing some writers use some kind of border to break things up, but I can't remember exactly what it was...

Blank line, asterisk, 3 spaces, asterisk, 3 spaces, asterisk, blank line.

Code:

...last sentence of the old chapter.

*   *   *

First sentence of the new chapter...

If you're coding the page break yourself, those asterisks should be centered; if you're submitting the story to Simon, however, leave them left-justified and trust him to take care of it.

Okey dokey, thanks