July 11th, 2010 Update (Next Update July 31st weekend.)

[Stormrazor]

Betrayed Downstream (mc mf md sf ts) (1 new chapter) by The Lycanthrope   
Betrayed by those he trusted, can an honest man make things right in a future where he is a sexual god?

Been slow at work so I've had a chance to finally read this story. At the risk of being gushy I really really enjoyed it. The premise, the characters, the technology, the intrigue and of course the sex is good.   I am equally jealous, and now have another role model for how I want to be able to write someday. I am anxiously awaiting more.

How Not To Embellish A Resume (mc mf md) (new) by Wesley King   
Zoe is reassigned after her company discovers some discrepancies on her job application.

This was a fun read! I'm not as much into making the woman lose her talents, but making her change her libido and morals was hot. My only quibble was that the names of the executives were a distraction. I know I'm odd that way, but when something pops me out of the story making me aware that I am reading. it feels like a distraction.  But that is a very minor quibble. Excellent stuff!

[Stormrazor]

Power and Pleasure  (mc mf md sf) (new) by Mindtouch   
A woman finds love and healing by surrendering to her mind and body to her Emperor.

Nice job! Good descriptions and atmosphere setting! I also like the characters. Unfortunately this was a very soft and romantic story which is not a bad thing, just not my cup of tea. The mind control felt like it was almost superfluous. I could easily see her falling for the emperor and feeling what she felt with no mind control whatsoever. The lovemaking in the story was sweet, but held no heat for me (strictly a matter of personal preference). Again, not a bad thing, just not what I was expecting.  I think you said it was your first post here, so kudos for a very respectable start!

[MindTouch]

Thanks Stormrazor for looking at my story.

I'm sorry the style didn't pull your trigger, but I'm a softy of a romantic. I supposed the mind control be superfluous in that it is not used to force or coerce Jordan in to make love to the Emperor, but to enhance her pleasure. You won't see any nonconsentual sex or humiliation stories from me from me; my stick just doesn't float that way.

Thanks again for taking the time to write down your thoughts.

[king_wesley]

How Not To Embellish A Resume (mc mf md) (new) by Wesley King   
Zoe is reassigned after her company discovers some discrepancies on her job application.

This was a fun read! I'm not as much into making the woman lose her talents, but making her change her libido and morals was hot. My only quibble was that the names of the executives were a distraction. I know I'm odd that way, but when something pops me out of the story making me aware that I am reading. it feels like a distraction.  But that is a very minor quibble. Excellent stuff!

If you read anything else my be you will soon learn I find it hard to resist adding at least a little silliness to each story.

thanks for enjoying none the less.

[Paladin]

Some additional thoughts and reviews.

Betrayed Downstream  (mc mf md sf ts) (1 new chapter) by The Lycanthrope   
Betrayed by those he trusted, can an honest man make things right in a future where he is a sexual god?

I read this from the beginning and was reminded anew how much I liked it. The recent short postings make it easy to loose the flow and not see the whole any more. Good work, Wolfie! (I wonder if he will kill me for the nickname?)

Mental Deflector  (mc ff) (new) by Lisa Teez   
Going through the metal detectors at the airport was never like this.

Short and interesting.

The Neighbor (Nanoslaver)  (mc mf ff) (new) by NanoSlaver   
A newlywed couple meets a bashful young girl and their lives turn upside down.

I somehow missed posting on this the first time around. Kind of a fun tale, lots of energy in the main character.

Zeroes  (mc mf md) (1 new chapter) by Lxndr   
Eric must manage his growing harem whlie being pursued by a man with powers similar to his.

OK, re-read Zoners. Liked it overall, but it was kind of choppy in a way- hot and fast and moving, then dreams and slower bits. Nothing bad, just not as smooth as some polish would provide (speaking as one who does not polish his own stuff much.) Zeros is a tighter story, with a villain in the wings and everything. Liking it and hope it is frequently updated.
[/quote]

[robotunit8]

Part 2

Zeroes

A year between updates! I wouldnt normally have bothered, but given circumstances, and not too much back reading...I did!
Got something out of it, still managed to enjoy it, but too big a gap to really get back into it full time. I will do so though,assuming a shorter gap between updates that is!

Bunnies Are Happy, Happy, Happy!

This really, really, really needs a major edit. I think even one of those bunnies could have spotted some of the howlers in this, both spelling and grammar. The story was alright, could even have been decent fun if it had been readable, but it wasnt! Liked the bunny outfits, could be bribed to a better review if sent one lol!

Dumber Switch

I love remote control stories like this, and loved the fact the author did include a moment where its shown what can go wrong with such a device, even if the whole peeing thing is an image I could live without! Of course its just so much better when its someone like Katie on the receiving end of it, to say she would be impossible to like is probably fair comment.
Looking forward to seeing more, hoping for more fun and entertainment. Oh, and a rare event here, even if only very temporary, breast size reduction!

How Far Would You Go for Fame?

In the sense that the 3 girls got exactly what they deserved, I enjoyed it. Snag was that Keith was so unlikeable as well that I just didnt end up caring what happened to anyone in all honesty. Dont get me wrong, I want to read more, just dont think I'm likely to get deeply involved in this

How Not To Embellish A Resume

Sabre Corps, they wouldnt be into robot development by any chance lol? Mind, as I assume I would have to lie about my interest in such matters...?  Let me also say I have no desire to be 20 again, pretty, and highly intelligent!  Sultry East European looks might help with spying of course!
Enjoyed this piece from Wes, and must remember those wise words the next time I send my CV off for a job, lol! Well unless...

Independence Déjà vu

Slightly surprised I didnt hear from Kris telling me not to bother with this, because it really wasnt my style. Minimal storyline, far too much sex for my tastes, and was skimming from half way in all honesty. Not the biggest surprise therefore to say this was a miss for me tastewise.

More to follow

[Lxndr]

ru8 and paladin:

thanks for the kind words! I agree, Zoners needs more polishing; it's already been re-edited and uploaded once (which might be the source of the choppiness). I should give it more attention, but to be honest, Zeroes is my current focus. And ru8: there's at least one chapter waiting to be uploaded, and another in the works, for Zeroes. Hope you enjoy them.

[robotunit8]

Part 3

King of the World

The sort of story that is never going to rock my boat, even if I did think the killing thing was cleverly played out. Otherwise minimal story line, too much omnipotence, and too much sex. If you like that sort of thing, its clever, and this week at least, its not laden with grammar horrors, which is something!

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Sluttiness

Talking of which, here was another grammar accident just waiting to happen, given its the same author as the bunny story. My favourite though was the 6 feet high heels that got mentioned more than once,anyone who could walk in those stands high (in more than the literal sense) in my opinion, or how they ever get through a door. Given that, and the fact it wasnt to my tastes in the slightest,I soon bailed out. Did skim to the end to see if there was any redemption, but no.
Fair to say, a total miss.

Mental Deflector

Quite topical for me given my flying to Belfast and back in last few days. I didnt even set off the metal detector, but maybe I'm too old for her lol! Story was fun, and flowed quite well too.
Enjoyed

The Neighbor (Nanoslaver)

Think the Garden Leprechaun needs to read this one, she'd enjoy it, especially as Lilly is a freckle faced redhead at one point in the story. The story itself is very good, the sex is entertaining to say the least in this. And of course the ending appealed to me no end.
All in all, very much enjoyed

Once Upon a Time

And talking about the Garden Leprechaun... This fun piece of poetry works very well, though of course I am at the advantage of knowing the people talked about in it. While others might not be so fortunate, it still should work as a piece for them.
Much enjoyed

Power and Pleasure

A nice romantic story for those who like such things, though be warned, this is another that could do with a very major edit this week! Working round that, the story is a good one, its well handled, and the ending is pure delight. But the grammar problems does make this a tricky read, which given its length, may be too much for some.
Enjoyed it, but hard work

More on Tuesday

[king_wesley]

How Not To Embellish A Resume

Sabre Corps, they wouldnt be into robot development by any chance lol? Mind, as I assume I would have to lie about my interest in such matters...?  Let me also say I have no desire to be 20 again, pretty, and highly intelligent!  Sultry East European looks might help with spying of course!
Enjoyed this piece from Wes, and must remember those wise words the next time I send my CV off for a job, lol! Well unless...

Thanks

[MindTouch]

I have have someone to proofread my next chapter of Power and Pleasure, and apologize for the mistakes. Thanks robotunit8 for the review and I'll try to address my shortcomings.

[Kris P. Kreme]

Steph, I was hoping as a regular reader you might discover the secret or hidden feature behind Independence Deja vu.  I knew the sex scenes would be a miss for your tastes but the secret to the Deja vu has only been discovered by one astute reader so far.

Anyway, thanks for giving it a try.

[Lycanthrope]

Betrayed Downstream (mc mf md sf ts) (1 new chapter) by The Lycanthrope   
Betrayed by those he trusted, can an honest man make things right in a future where he is a sexual god?

Been slow at work so I've had a chance to finally read this story. At the risk of being gushy I really really enjoyed it. The premise, the characters, the technology, the intrigue and of course the sex is good.   I am equally jealous, and now have another role model for how I want to be able to write someday. I am anxiously awaiting more.

Thanks, Stormrazor. I originally thought it was going to be a short story that I could submit to Wiseguy's event a few months ago. If I'd known at the beginning that it was going to end up being a novel, I probably would have tried to do the Tom Clancy thing with multiple different story lines being advanced in different chapters, all eventually pulling together into a single story line at the end. (Yeah, right. I'm no Tom Clancy.)

I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Some additional thoughts and reviews.

Betrayed Downstream  (mc mf md sf ts) (1 new chapter) by The Lycanthrope   
Betrayed by those he trusted, can an honest man make things right in a future where he is a sexual god?

I read this from the beginning and was reminded anew how much I liked it. The recent short postings make it easy to loose the flow and not see the whole any more. Good work, Wolfie! (I wonder if he will kill me for the nickname?)

Whoa! Late 1960's flashback! This image just popped into my head:



I'm told it's gone now, but I did eat there in the late 1960's (or was it 1970?) It was a decent meal.

I'm glad you're still liking the story. The relatively short chapters are due to me having limited time to write, but still wanting to get something submitted every week.


Lyc (Wolfie?)

[robotunit8]

And so to complete

The Reflex

Loved the whole virtual sex idea, probably the best way for sex to be! Definitely loved the interplay between Keila and Strawberry as well. In fact the story worked as a whole for me, and I thoroughly enjoyed it

The Society

Oh wow, what a story. And presumably more to come, a definite bonus for me. Cracking storyline,strong characters, and some interesting mind control stuff, so all pushes my buttons quite nicely.
Really enjoyed this, looking forward to the next piece

Student Announcements

Hey, Kris writes a subtle, romantic MC story with a happy ending, what more can I say, but oh joy! Really loved this, loved the subliminals, especially those used on the guys which was a bit new for Kris, seeing guys put down like that. Yes, the whole cheerleaders as sluts thing made me laugh, but that has been done before at least. But the sweet ending, with the guy getting the girl just appeals to me so much
Another I really enjoyed

The Terrible Misfortunes of Artemis T. Fogg

The whole 3 wishes thing, and you know something good is going to go wrong,and lo and behold, it does! I loved the whole brain capacity shrinking to allow the penis to grow thing, just wonder how true that is for porn stars lol! And even if it wasnt hard to see how the third wish was going to go wrong, it was still fun reading it
Another much enjoyed

Wandering

Its funny, you'd think that kind of mindless slavery would appeal to me,but in this case, it didnt, I just couldnt get into it in the slightest. Perhaps if it had been shorter, then I would have stuck with it, but it was too long to go down that road.

What a Tangled Web We Weave (Dictionary Rainbow)

I want to know where one of those stores are, and what they might have to appeal to me lol? Its not hard to see why this won its monthly contest, its a really good story! Good characters as well, couldnt ask for much more other than an online catalogue for the store, or even better, an address I can easily visit!
Much enjoyed, bribable to put a very on the front of that with the right details!

And thats it until the next update, thanks to all the authors for their efforts this week, seems to have been some very good stories amongst them I'm pleased to say

[Kris P. Kreme]

Thank you very much, Steph. I knew I could get one hit out of the park for you. [writes down happy ending]

Now I have a better idea what kind of stories to work on for your reviews. I had fun with Student Announcements, even if it was by far the longest contest story I've ever done. Glad you liked it.

Kris

[Paladin]

Whoa! Late 1960's flashback! This image just popped into my head:

I'm told it's gone now, but I did eat there in the late 1960's (or was it 1970?) It was a decent meal.

I'm glad you're still liking the story. The relatively short chapters are due to me having limited time to write, but still wanting to get something submitted every week.


Lyc (Wolfie?)

PLEASE don't tell me you don't know where 'Wolfie' came from?

[Lycanthrope]

Assuming that you're not talking about the obvious "lycanthrope = werewolf" thing, it could have come from a number of places that range from old cartoons to some whack-job chick in Texas who has been in the news lately.

When I picked the nom de plume a long time ago (before people got all hot to trot for vampires and werewolves) I was going for the broader definition of "lycanthrope = shape shifter".


Lycanwolfie

[Tipsy]

The Society

Oh wow, what a story. And presumably more to come, a definite bonus for me. Cracking storyline,strong characters, and some interesting mind control stuff, so all pushes my buttons quite nicely.
Really enjoyed this, looking forward to the next piece

Thank you.

If you're looking for the second chapter of The Society, it can be found here: http://www.mcforum.net/yabbse/index.php?topic=22998.0

Forewarned is fore-armed though; I'm going to be revising the second chapter a little bit before it gets sent in with the next update.

[Wiseguy]

I'd like to call attention to a little gem that's largely gone unnoted:

Once Upon A Time by JHB

This is a truly delightful piece of writing even without knowing there was a backstory to it (and now, Steph, you have me wondering).  Yes, it's a long poem, and that has probably scared off some readers.  Too bad for them.  The words flow smoothly and easily and the meter is very catching.  Each stanza moves the story forward, feeding into the next naturally and keeping everything easy to follow.  The sex is tongue in cheek (among other places) and fits the story precisely. 

If you skipped this one because it's not straight prose, do yourself a favor and go read it anyway.

-wg

[robotunit8]

I'd like to call attention to a little gem that's largely gone unnoted:

Once Upon A Time by JHB

This is a truly delightful piece of writing even without knowing there was a backstory to it (and now, Steph, you have me wondering).  Yes, it's a long poem, and that has probably scared off some readers.  Too bad for them.  The words flow smoothly and easily and the meter is very catching.  Each stanza moves the story forward, feeding into the next naturally and keeping everything easy to follow.  The sex is tongue in cheek (among other places) and fits the story precisely. 

If you skipped this one because it's not straight prose, do yourself a favor and go read it anyway.

-wg

Wiseguy, you have mail lol!

[Lxndr]

When I picked the nom de plume a long time ago (before people got all hot to trot for vampires and werewolves) I was going for the broader definition of "lycanthrope = shape shifter".

Well, the word comes from "Lykos" which is wolf, and 'anthros' which is man. "Wolfman". If you wanted a broader word, 'theriomorph' or 'therianthrope' would have been better, but even that's only 'changing from human into animal.' (Etymology geek here)

[flibinite]

With the break in updates, I thought I'd climb back on the review horse with a few comments about some of this week's stories, and an older one I finally read (as I don't feel like reactivating a thread from six weeks ago)... the older story, first.

Crescent City Stories: What the Villain Did Next by sara castle  -  I finally got around to reading the last chapter of this story, which is the last chapter in this arc, and really enjoyed it.  The first two-thirds, what with Sugar having her sexual way with two decidedly dazed and helpless heroines, and the Confectioner placing one on a sybian, got all over my hot buttons, and pushed and pushed at them very nicely.  The writing was erotic and clean and very enjoyable.  Then in the last third, it got "action packed, Peewee!" again, what with its anime-style fireworks and rockets and desperate battle.  Also very enjoyable.  Finally, I'm like how there is at least some recognition from a couple of enslaved heroines that they did have a previous existence, as at least it lends some hope that they can perhaps work there way out of this sticky mess.

Now on to the newest ones...

Mental Deflector by Lisa Teez  -  An enjoyable quickie about a metal detector that's more than just what it seems.  A rather hot fantasy idea for me that was well done, not taking too much time on the why, or how of things, though both those areas were easy enough to infer.  It was mainly about the what, and the what was quite hot, as Alice didn't have much of a chance in this.  Still, the build-up to the more sexual things was smooth and believable and kept the story from being total stroke, which was a good thing.  I think it lost track of its MC a bit during the strapon scene, as it seems Alice was suggestible, and Wanda never suggested lesbian sex was the best... so why was Alice thinking that.  Also, I'm pretty sure Wanda missed her plane, and I'm wondering how she would react to that.  A fun, hot story, though, and an easy, enjoyable read for me.

The Reflex by Jukebox  -  As others have probably stated above, this story is mislabelled, it seems, as there was more description of MF sex in this story than FF (though the general feel of the whole thing was more lesbian, certainly).  I loved how it started, both sexually, and the fine, and quick, way it set up the universe that Keila inhabited and worked in.  Not too much mundane narrative, but just enough that we could easily tell what was going on... and all very well-written, too.  Her connection and interactions with her obviously AI ship's computer is a nice one, too.  And though I argue somewhat with the historical development of the atarax on Solitude, as that doesn't ring quite true, the conceit of such "emissions" is a good and clear one (reminding me of something from Joe Haldeman's, "The Forever War"), and clearly effective, even against Keila's enhanced personal defenses.

The story did lose me a bit when Strawberry became "affected", too, though.  It wasn't the fact that she could be affected, as that was a small stretch that I could buy into, given her AI nature, but, given that Keila, after her time in the "brain box", could still attempt to complete her mission and raise some defense against the Doctor's programming, one would assume Strawberry could, too, and even moreso, being more distant and different.  It seems a very simple, normal, reboot of her systems, quarantining all files since Keila left the ship, would fix her up.  After that, restricting her link to Keila, leaving only visual and aural connections, would have kept her from being "restricken"... at least to me.  The MC and the struggle and the seduction at the end of the story were very hot, though, and despite the down nature of the story's climax, pulled it back to an enjoyable and definitely recommended story for me, however.

The Neighbor by NanoSlaver  -  There's not a lot to say about this story, other than how good, erotic, and emotionally evocative it is.  The premise is simple, really, the MC pretty total and instantaneous (and believable, if one buy's into the fae world, which I do), and the sex and sexuality in this is very nice... lightly described but hot and obvious and easily fleshed out if one wants to.  I didn't see the story's last third coming, but that part was very sweet, slightly sad for awhile, and rather romantic in its own way.  It really moved me, on some level reminding me of aspects of Tabico's "Winter Flesh", and I'll admit to being very happy to see it play out as it did, right at the very end.  A really enjoyable and excellent story on all levels for me, and completely recommended.

Once Upon A Time by JHB  -  For this one, I'm just going to post my more personal review from back when James finished writing and posting this on the Garden, as his 14,000th post there.  Note, I vainly considered myself as a possible template for the Vicki Virtue character in his poem/story....

Very nice followup and ending to your poem about the strange, sexual, mystical goings-on at, um... some Garden, James.  I read it from the beginning again, knowing that I had to concentrate on a reading by punctuation and not completely by rhyme, and as such, the transitions were much smoother for me to make as I did.  Overall, it's a fun, entertaining, and nicely hot and nasty poem/story, and I think you did an excellent job of keeping the characters, and what they're doing and thinking, straight in any reader's mind.  That's not an easy thing to do, especially in verse.

As I said before, I love the rhyming and meter of this (with a few clutches at the meter in a few of the new stanzas).  That, and the content, and "Midsummer's Night Dream" aspects of it, make for a rather risque` romp through the (bi)sexual tulips, all of which I enjoyed (especially for all the obvious reasons at the end (and though I must admit a few moments of guilt about the last part, considering what happened)).

But in general, and considering all that you put into it, how well you did it, and how "relevant" you made it for many of us, I think you did a really terrific job with this poem, James, and I hope it's something that you're proud of.  You should be, you know, and congratulations on it, and on your 14,000th post in, well... some Garden.  

*******

Hoping to do more reviews again in the future, as I've been remiss in commenting on the stories that I've been reading lately.

         Jo

[lisateez]

Thanks, Jo, and just to address Steph's comment, when I went through the metal detector, they didn't stop me either so I guess I'm also not her type. Sigh.

[flibinite]

You're welcome, lisa.  I was thinking I got this posted too late for anyone, including the authors, to read, so I'm glad you saw it and let me know. 

          Jo